Lifestyle Thai-style (part 3)

When I arrived in Thailand almost two years ago, I didn't realize that every day life would present me with so many opportunities for me to teach and so many opportunities for me to learn. Among the lessons taught and learned are lessons about self esteem and image, personal space and temperament. 

Below is the continuation and conclusion....

 

7.    Verbal Observations… It is not uncommon or impolite for someone in this culture to make jokes, remarks, or ask pointed questions about another's physical appearance. From weight, height, and skin color to body proportions and acne, I've gotten it all, and it's quite a common practice. Sometimes when comments are made about my hair and skin color, I chalk it up to ignorance or lack of exposure/diversity; sometimes when comments are made about my weight, I feel perhaps they can be expression of care and concern; but sometimes it takes more effort to convince myself that some comments aren't born out of cruelty, insensitivity, and/or ill-humor. After 20 months, some of the comments aren't as frequent, and I'm not as sensitive to some of them as I had been in the past, but I'm far from immune and don't find it funny or pleasant to witness or experience this practice. The students that I work with definitely have tougher skin than I do, but I usually intervene when I see students making derogatory remarks towards each other, but most adults lead by example, reinforcing and encouraging this behavior.

I try to get students to pay three compliments for each of their insults, it's still all a joke to them. The students don't seem to realize sometimes that 'verbally observing' that someone is fat or clumsy is an insult ("but teacher, if she's fat, she's fat! isn't she fat?" "but he keeps dropping things, so it's true, he's clumsy!") but I hope that they would get into the practice of make positive observations of each other and building each other's self esteem.

The two girls in the box just had a lesson about saying nice things (one to the other)
The boy saw the whole thing and helped the offender to come up with compliments.
The little ones on the side didn't get it, but they will.

8.   White Beauty... In Thailand, white skin is the standard of beauty. Every skin product, from face and body wash to powder and deodorant, contains skin whitening agents. In blazing sun and 99ºF heat, Thai people would wear long sleeved jackets so that the sun doesn't darken their skin. While in some other places in the world it is considered a luxury and privilege to lay in the sun and have bronzed skin, in Thailand, it is quite the opposite. Bronzed or darkened skin is frowned upon and considered ugly and undesirable because of the perception that farmers, “peasants” and those of lowest social status are the ones out in the sun with darker skin. Many Thai people have naturally brown skin, not necessarily darkened by spending countless hours farming in direct sunlight, but the standard of beauty is to have white skin so people often go to extreme lengths to achieve this standard. 

 

As a foreigner, I've been told that this standard of beauty doesn't apply to me, all the same, I've heard countless comments referencing my dark skin. Some complimentary, some polite, and some are none of the above. Kids joking and jeering with each other that if they spend too much time in the sun they'll get as dark as I am, or at a food stand with a darker skinned vendor hearing the adjacent vendor commenting "Is that your sister? You both have the same black skin" and of course, there is "She has black skin, but isn't she pretty?" I try to respond with grace and poise and use these opportunities to assert that beauty has no color.

White  Beauty, Pure and Flawless (Face Wash)

Body White UV, Light Touch White, Ultimate White, Healthy White
(Lotions)

Whitening Anti-Perspirants

White Perfect. White = Perfect. 

9.    Value of Privacy… One of the major differences between Thai and American culture is that Thai is more of a collectivistic culture, and Americanism is more individualistic. When meeting someone in America for the first time, you'd likely be asked about where you're from, what work you do, and what you have accomplished. When meeting someone in Thailand for the first time, you'd likely be asked if you're married yet (if not, why not, followed by an offer to help you find a mate), how old you are (to determine if they should refer to you as an older sibling - pii or younger sibling - nong), and what foods you like to eat (for a dinner invitation likely to follow). 

There's a sense of community that I like - sometimes. Anytime I ride my bike or walk anywhere, I'm greeted by several people asking me where I'm going, where I'm coming from, and if I'd eaten yet. Sometimes, by the time I get to where I'm going, the people there already know where I'm coming from and where I stopped on the way. Today, for example, I spent my morning at school and on my way to the government office where I am spending my afternoon, I stopped at a little neighborhood shop. When I got to the office, I was met with "So what did you buy at the shop?" by an officer who was having lunch nearby. 

One of the challenges of being an individualist in a collectivistic community is the value of privacy. I've become pretty immune to the questions about where I'm going or coming from, and why I don't have a Thai boyfriend yet, but ever so often I feel challenged when my privacy is compromised. There are times when I get annoyed when someone asks me why I'm smiling at my phone, there are times when I feel violated when someone peeks over my shoulder at the ATM and remarks about my balance, there are times when I just have to laugh when someone joins my family video chat without invitation, and then there are times when I feel overwhelmed with love and care when I'm sick and the whole village responds with well wishes, advice, and home remedies. Sometimes, at the end of the day, I realize that's all it is - expressions of love and care.

10.   Sabaai-Sabaai…. This is the pace and the way of life for most of Thailand. Very relaxed and easy going, to the utmost degree. Jai-yen, which means cool heart or calm spirit, is an aspect of Thai culture that goes hand in hand with the notion of sabaai-sabaai. Together, these concepts encourage and enable a chilled and laid back attitude, mannerism, and lifestyle. I usually describe myself as a very calm and easy going person, I'm pretty adaptable and not easily stressed, but adapting this lifestyle has actually been stressful and a challenge at times. I've been told countless times in the workplace not to think so hard and not to be so serious. I find comfort and calmness in order, knowing what's happening when, having a schedule, making plans, noting the details. Now when I try to focus on and try to clarify these things, I'm met with: mai bpen rai (don't worry) and jai-yen-yen (calm your heart). This is still a work in progress, but over the past twenty months, I have become pretty sabaai/relaxed, more adaptable and able to go with the flow, not feeling the need to plan and control every aspect of my life and my day, and trusting that things will work themselves out, as they usually do, so I've become okay with that. Almost to the point where I worry about my return and transition to the demands of the American workplace. But mai bpen rai, I'll deal with that when the time comes. But for the next six months, sabaai-sabaai!

The Sabaai Life

See the video below for snippets of my everyday life.